Well. I can't find my physical journal to write in, but seeing how almost no one reads this...I don't think it will be much different to write here.
I need to vent.
I feel like my world has been shaken from underneath me lately. EVERYTHING has changed. My major is now photojournalism instead of art. The friends I hung out with this semester have now started deleting me from facebook, due to our lack of friendship. I was supposed to be moving with the family to Pennsylvania after this summer, but even that didn't work out. I'm moving out of my apartment and back into my parents house. All my friends back in town from college don't contact me...probably because I'm not that great of a friend.
If I believed in depression...I would say sign me up for a lifetime supply of happy pills.
Basically...a large sum of why everything in my life kind of sucks is because I spent this entire semester getting fucked up and smoking weed. It was not okay. I won't even try to defend my actions. Anyway, my parents found out about these troubles and have deemed me unworthy of living by myself. I was also told to distance myself from the friends who introduced me to these things...which I accomplished, willingly, due to their new hobby of being unbearably annoying. All my friends that were with me before I became a drunk stoner, don't hang out with me anymore because I've spent an entire semester living the lifestyle that I always bashed to them. The Pennsylvania failure was actually completely devastating. I was so ready to get out of my element and start a new. Of course, as soon as I was emotionally and even academically ready to go, my dad dropped the bomb that we would be staying in Texas. I think I was mostly okay with moving northward because then it would be "okay" to move back in with my parents. Not to mention, I would be super duper close to New York City. So close that I could do summer internships in the big apple if I chose.
Yeh. I think that covers everything I needed to write down.
Last night was another magical TOUPS and OTIS photoshoot! I have to say, I am quite proud of these photos. Toups will tell you that she "is the talent" but being the awesome friend that I am, I am willing to share the talent and say we are both pretty cool right now.
I hear everyone getting annoyed with me. I see everyone escaping. I'm sick of being the kid who pours out his emotions on his blog at the end of the day. Especially when it's always negative. I'm sick of listening to me as much as everyone else. Apologies.
Everyone's going places. I don't mean physically, even though in most cases that holds true. I mean they are getting the shit done that they want to do. They are working hard to go to the schools that they want to transfer to. They are working hard to achieve the dreams that they dream. My dream and my place is New York. I know I'll make it there one day. But it's at least two years away. I don't know if that's why I'm upset. It might just be that no one is working hard to get to me. They are working hard at leaving me. Everyone.
Just leave. Go. What difference will it make? You say, I won't have any friends. What do you call this? This isn't a friendship. I'm just a stand in. When there is no one else for you to turn to, I am there. But who is there when I'm all alone. Not you. Just go.
You want to know why I ask you if I annoy you so much? Because I genuinely think I annoy the shit out of you. It's not hard to catch on to. You aren't a Shakespearean novel. Your a high school English paper...transparent and not funny. I'm sick of this bullshit of a friendship where I crack my ass for your attention and acceptance to only get half ass responses. I'm not asking for your fucking love you faggot. I'm just asking that you stop telling me to drag race towards the edge of a cliff and then get dissapointed when I rev the engine. Fuck you. All I'm asking is for the truth when you can supply it. Step up or shut the fuck up.
I'm not even angry about this anymore but...I like the part about being an English paper.
Happiness. I hate how foreign of an emotion it is. But I love when it chooses to pay me a visit. It's been with me for about a week now. Definitely won't be kicking it off my couch any time soon. Unless it eats my fruit loops.
I am officially the worst blogger ever. I am going to change that. Expect more writing this round. I'm going to be posting my random little tantrums from the past couple months. I'm not depressed like that at the moment so don't call a hotline.
I'm on that low now. Making myself feel like nothing. Making myself question everything. I don't know why I beat myself up. Why can't I love myself as much as I want? What's in the way? The Bible tells me that Jesus loves me...so why can't I?
I know. I know. "If I call myself a blogger...then you are an ostrich." Quote provided by my friend Tiara. I swear I have a good reason.
School started as you know. My entire life has been owned by tape shoes and still life drawings. What a life. I haven't taken a picture of the shoe yet but I will definitely post one next time. The pictures I am posting now have to do with our next project in 3D design. It is a wire project where I'll be making a wire form based on the slow exposure pictures I took. I'm kind of really excited about it. I feel like I'm going to fail my regular classes because of these art classes though. I'm nervous. I have a history quiz tomorrow and I haven't read at all this semester for it. AHHH! My drawing class just keeps popping out little drawing projects out of its friggin but.
My apartment life at the moment is quite hectic. I'm supposed to move out of my apartment right now and move into my new apartment March 1st, which still might happen. But...there is also a chance that I will be moving in with my friends. I just need to friggin get this stuff figured out.
In other news, I really like the girl from MY LIFE AS LIZ. She has a good voice! At least I hope that was her singing voice on the tv and not a fake one. But even if it wasn't, she is still very fun for me to look at.
This was my first day of school outfit. Unfortunately, the attire will probably not be this put together from now on. The best part about it is definitely my oxford shoes. Okay guys. The day has come. I have officially started school. Ew. I know. I am so stressed out. With the gross mixture of anthropology and art classes I feel like I might be a little overwhelmed. I'm mostly excited about my drawing class right now. Hopefully, I won't be the worst one in that class. I mean, I doubt I will be but its a natural fear in art class. OH AND! We are drawing friggin nudes this semester!!! I feel like a middle schooler right now. It is going to take every ounce of maturity in my body not to giggle when the robe slips off. I'm not excited about my design class, just frightened. My first assignment is to make an entire shoe out of masking tape...yeah kill me. Except it might not even be a problem because that class might get cancelled...we will see. THe other classes I'm really excited about are archaeological science and general anthropology. It is a lot of reading but I just love the content. It is so so so interesting. I did, however, find out that Anthropology can probably never go beyond a hobby. I talked to an Anthropology major today and they listed some jobs that you can get with the degree and I was not interested in any of them.
OH and I guess the internship with Tom Hussey is officially over. I'm going to go a different direction I think. I'm going to try and get an internship at my church in the media department. We will see how it goes.
Hello children. Guess what. The heat is back. You what that means? It means that I will no longer like anything that I am wearing. I know that's super negative of me but it is just true. I hate wearing just t shirts and jeans because thats so boring and not flattering. I will dearly miss all the layering that I have been so accustomed to. THere is one good thing about summer and the sun...MY CLUBMASTURRRRR RAY BANS! I love them so much. They are sported in these pics.
N E WAYZ. This post depicts an outfit that is not too much different than my previous one. Sorry. I just couldn't think of anything else to wear. ANd that wasn't really the reason this post either. I really just wanted to take pictures in my new apartment, which I haven't done until right now.
I start school tomorrow. At a brand new college. Not excited in any way. I have never really enjoyed breaks this much until college. I am perfectly content with not doing anything school related. I was totally revitalized this break in my photography. I'm glad I am finally stable enough in my mind to take pictures everyday. I feel so good about it.
Oh AND...I really love blogging you guys. And I really like seeing that people actually stop by to read my blog. Thanks to everyone who comments...it makes my day for real.
We just finished putting in the wood floors in my dad's new office. I took the opportunity to take some pictures before we put the furniture in. I have found a new word thanks to my friend T Babyy that my personal style can be described as "hungry". Haha. All my friends tell me I dress like a homeless person but I like the word hungry more. So yeah. That's me.
I have decided that I completely hate the show, Jersey Shore. I just can't stand it. They are so crazy!
I wish I had something interesting to say.
My internship won't email me back. Its really starting to get to me. I don't know how you can tell me that I am hired and then pretend that I'm not emailing you everyday. Seriously. It's messed up. I have such horrible luck with internships. This is exactly what happened when I tried to intern at my church. I get promised things and then those people never follow through. I mean I changed my entire schedule so that I could be there all day on Fridays. It is just frustrating.
Next week I'm going with my friend who has a clothing line, to the Dallas market. I'm so friggin excited. I just want to be completely submerged in the world of fashion. That's really corny sounding but I do. It is one of the things that really really interests me. So it should be really fun.
You know what today is? Just one big DISAPPOINTMENT!
I really wanted to take pictures in the room upstairs that is getting wood floors but like everything else today, that goal failed miserably.
Anyway, all day I was trying to get inspired by something...anything. I looked at clothes, art, and everybody's blogs. All the blogs were awesome as usual...but I just couldn't think of anything creative for me to do. I wanted to wear some cool clothes today and take pictures but I winded up wearing what I always wear. A FLANNEL and SKINNY JEANS. Yawn.
This leads me to A CHALLENGE! All you girlies that read my blog. Please help me out. I know everyday you have to get up and pick out your own outfit but now it is time to put on your thinking caps. I want YOU to tell ME some really cool MEN'S FASHION tips. I'm sure some of you have come across some nice stuff to show me. HELP ME! Also, if you have anything that's inspired you lately, let me know. I just really want that creative flow back.
Since I have no personal photos to post I thought this would be a good time to talk about one of the artists I learned about in my art theory class. JONATHAN BOROFSKY is his his name. The story on him is that he is a sculpturist. The extra special cool thing about him, though, is his use of negative space. I remember sitting through those extra long powerpoints, this artist was one of the only ones that genuinely interested me.
In personal news, I finally got to sign up for my classes. I have no classes on Mondays or Fridays. However, I am taking 18 hours collectively. Two of those classes are online Anthropology class. I'm also taking Archaeological Science as my natural science with a lab. Unfortunately, I'm also taking post civil war history. Also, I will be taking Design and Drawing 2. Basically, I'm just hoping that this semester doesn't kill me because if I can survive it I will be an entire semester ahead. WOOOOOOOOOOOT!
It IS true!!! Toups and myself had a photo shoot today! It was very much needed. Lately I have not been feeling very creative so it was good to get out there and go crazy! I feel like we were inspired by the movie Domino, starring Keira Knightley. IS that her last name? Anyway, in the movie she was really badass and angry and just kicked everyone's butt...but still stayed completely hot the entire time.
Life holds no excitement for me right now. The only thing that is coming up is school...which I am am incapable of being excited about. I'm in agony over it actually. I should be excited about it. I get to start a new school. But no...here I am hating school. But its okay because I got to take pictures today and that makes everything better. I'm going to Urban Outfitters tomorrow and I feel obligated to buy something. Someone tell me what to get! That's hard probably for a lot of bloggers seeing how most of you guys are girls. But give me some suggestions anyway! Thanks for any comments!
Here is Toups blog: www.rigby-sydneytoups.blogspot.com
The picture above you illustrates how lost I am when it comes to putting together lighting. I absolutely cannot figure out how to do it. It has to do with the stoopid little metal rods required for soft box installation. They make it physically impossible to put it together. Frustration is wriggling through my veins.
I also took pictures of my mum (British term due to Harry Potter overload) today. She's losing all this weight and she is finally getting comfortable in her own skin. Before the weight loss I was literally not aloud to take pictures of her. It was fun to get to make her feel good about herself.
P.S. Be looking for photos tomorrow! Me and Toups (www.rigby-sydneytoups.blogspot.com) will be having quite a marvelous/intense photo shoot! I can't wait.
So I underwent one last art project at OU before I left. In the project we were instructed to make a book, obviously. It was basically just a photoshop project. Here are some of my favorite pages. I am not stuck on myself although it may seem that way in the pictures. My book theme was supposed to be a conversation with myself in the mirror where I'm pumping myself up with ridiculous compliments. It was supposed to be funny but who knows...my art class probably all hated me after this.
I am an aspiring photographer. I go to the University of North Texas and I am a photojournalism major with a minor in anthropology. One day, I would like to be a photographer on staff of a fashion magazine. Or even just working in the art department of a magazine.