I'm a winner at a losing game...

I hate that people are telling me it's okay. I hate that they are so appalled at my sadness. I hate that I let myself feel this way about you. I hate that every love song I listen to reminds me of you. I hate that your face is so beautiful. I hate that I can't be mad at you. I hate the fact that if you called me right now I would talk to you for hours. I hate the fact that you never call. I hate that I didn't talk to you until the end of the summer. I hate that if I dissapeared, you wouldn't even notice. I hate that I have to date other girls. I hate that we aren't an us. I hate this. I hate you.

-- Otis on the move

Really?

Why do you insert yourself back into my life as soon as I make the decision not to talk to you anymore?


-- Otis on the move

Fail.

Obviously...the "relationship" between me and HER did not work out. Hence the title of this post. I started out feeling such strong feelings for her. Then everyday seemed like a reminder that she was not interested. Now I'm just annoyed that she couldn't feel the same way about me that I did for her. Either I was reading too far into her actions or she was sending horribly mixed signals. When we would text, I was lucky to get a response, but in person it seemed like she wanted nothing else but to be close to me. This is the most I've ever been confused about a girl. Everyday I try to forget her, but I still get excited when I think about her. Its especially sad because we didn't even know each other very well. I feel like a stalker. And I looked up the guy who texted her when we hung out. I feel like a creep.

The good thing that came out of this is that I was reminded how great it is to have a girl to like. The constant talking and flirting is something that I missed. Hopefully, I can find someone in college that is able to feel the same feelings for me.

Also, I feel as though I have abandoned my art. I haven't taken pictures in such a long time! I desperately need to get back into the habit. I even miss sketching. I will make myself get back into these things.

-Otis

Oh okay.

You didn't text back. It only takes once. Done.


-- Otis on the move

Hmm

You are buying me socks today. Is it sad that I want to assume that this is a sign of affection?


-- Otis on the move

Be MINE.

I don't even know you that well. Why am I so obsessed with you? Why do I get jealous when you speak to anyone else besides me? I want to tell you everything about me. I want to know everything about you. I want to be your best friend. I want to hold you close and talk about the future. I want to listen to CD's together that I made you, sharing headphones. I want to draw you. I want to walk down a busy street with you holding hands. I want to study with you, taking lots of breaks. I want it to be normal to kiss you. I want you to want me.

I wish I was more than just your funny buddy. Laughter is not the only thing I want to share with you. I think God has put you in my life for a reason. It feels sinful not to talk to you. I hope for the best.

Can I have yo numbah?

So. I just got back from Europe! London was such an amazingly beautiful place. Romania was beautiful in its own way as well.

The mission trip was in a word...disappointing. It felt more like a tour, than it did a mission trip. In fact, all of London was just a tour for us to help raise money for Premier Radio. It was quite frustrating. Finally in Romania we actually got into mission trip mode. So many young lives were touched by our concerts.

I think the best part of mission trip was being with all my friends. Senior Trip was amazing not because of where we were but just because we were all together. Another good part of this trip is that I have grown quite smitten to one of my mission trip girly friends. She is funny, beautiful, and laughs at all my jokes. We will just have to see how it goes.

-Otis

London/Romania

I loved London more than any normal American should. I honestly feel like I want to move there hardcore! There were so many awesome things about that grand 'ol city. Let me name them.

The weather was beyond amazing. Anywhere where I can wear a cardigan at any point in the year, is okay by me.

British accents are kind of my favorite thing ever.

I fell in love with so many fierce black girls with thick accents.

In negative news, three dudes from our trip were sent home because of alcohol consumption. Seriously, stop being tools and drink water. Also, I hate being yelled at and this is a common occurrnce on mission trips.

Romania is hot and dirty and scary.










-- Otis on the move

Whatever your drunk...why don't you cut the chord mom?

So I'm sitting up in my MEDIA ROOM, watching NICK AND NORAH'S INFINITE PLAYLIST. It has given me lots of time to reflect. It is times like these when I miss blogging. I have decided to make a pact with myself. Aren't those the best kind? I'm going to, after mission trip, blog everyday. This will mostly be to capture my college moments. I have gotten past the whole feeling of neglect for my blog. It has become a therapeutic source for my thoughts.

I have realized that I love love love my church friends. All of them. The only problem is that I only hang out with them when we have shows. And now we are all going to college, so I kind of missed the boat. BUT. I am in the same history class with one of my friends...AT COLLEGE. How does that work out? It doesn't.

In other news, apparently I am only friends with Toups. Ha. I don't talk to our other friends...ever. Oh well, me and TOUPS will be friends forever! Because I'm going to make her.

Other realization=I'm going to move to Chicago after college. It will be my home. I just know it.

-OTIS